“Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.”
— Rumi

All parents struggle. If you haven’t yet, I’m sure your humble pie is still in the oven.  The difficulty becomes more prevalent when those once babies become teens. The foundation has been laid from about 5-10 years old. Which means any huge changes after the foundation is laid will be met with opposition. They are nearing or have achieved adult size and appearance.  Their confidence in their ability to survive on their own grows day-by-day. With that growth in confidence and appearance comes an increased hunger for freedom. Insert struggle HERE. 

The emotional tug-of-war begins between parent and child. Teens want more attention when they say so, time alone on their schedule, as much money as it takes, and full autonomy with their life.  The news flash is that funds and time are finite, and they aren’t ready to make important decisions alone. We can’t give them all of the money. Parents have to provide so we can’t be everywhere.

Harsh realities and boundaries have to be levied. When the teens feel they have been unfairly treated…Watch out for the hysterics. Teens responses can border on the dramatic side. Emphasizing on the absolute words “never” , “unfair” and “always”. Its pretty textbook. I like to think of teens as lil’ superhero’s just learning how to use their super powers of adulthood for the first time. They stumble, they fall, and people get hurt in the process, but eventually they’ll do good things.

So how can we get through to them? This is the hard part. I’d be fooling you if I said there was some easy answer. I’d be off writing books, doing seminars, and getting paid handsomely if I’d discovered the solution. Here are some ways to guide interactions:

• STRAIGHT TALK: . By this age they’ve heard a few lectures already. Tell them what is expected of them and allow them the freedom to get that result in the best way they can. Give them them the space to handle things. Encourage them to come to you to ask questions when they have hit a stopping point.  As an adult you wouldn’t be happy if your direct supervisor was micro-managing your every move. Resist the urge to lecture. I know the urge is very strong but you have to hold back so when you must, that lecture has real impact.
• TONE, TONE,TONE:  No I’m not flashing back to Raphael Saadiq, Amar & D’wayne. HOW you say things matters. Teens can be apathetic about things that you feel should be *DOES AIR QUOTES* important. Don’t let that send you over the edge. Keep your cool. If you can’t, then take a time out. Nothing will make ME “tune out” faster than someone yelling at me. So I try not to do it to them.
• DO AS I DO: Don’t condescend, cut back on the rhetorical questions,try not to repeat yourself [I know. Way more difficult than it sounds],  truly engage them, and don’t force the conversation too much. If you and your rules and actions are not in line, then you will get called out on your hypocrisy.  They learn much more from watching you then most would like to admit.
• BALANCE:   If you are going to play Sherlock to find every mistake that they have made then you better plan to spend equal amounts of time to find and recognize their accomplishments. If you don’t, then you will find yourself a first class ticket to Resentment City.  I don’t reward every positive action, but my children do know the meaning of the word “Initiative”. If I catch them in the act of recognizing a need and taking it upon themselves to fulfill that need without being told to do so, then I will bend over backwards to reward that action.

Am I right, wrong, funny, way-off base or hit the nail on the head? Comment below or Tweet me @SoularPowered